WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
Your Thoughts Create Your Feelings
Your Feelings Create Your Actions
Your Actions Create Your Life
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
Have you ever been around someone who always has a problem? Someone who is always stressed out? Someone who must “vent” all the time? Someone who is always a victim in almost every situation? Someone who always has a reason for being broken, sad, mad, taken advantage of or jealous? Someone who doesn’t take the time to solve their own problems but instead, will put it on you to solve? Then, when you give them advice they rarely follow it and just continue to complain and make excuses?
How does that person make you feel?
There are typically three responses to this type of personality depending on your own emotional health and tolerance to these people and their negative emotions.
- FIXER– You become the “Fixer”. You feel obligated to fix their problems to make them feel better. If you’re a “Fixer”, keep in mind this type of negative person WILL consume you! You have one life, how much time are you willing to dedicate to fixing someone’s problems who will just have another problem for you to fix tomorrow and the next day? How many times will you listen, internalize, worry, try to solve and fix someone else before you realize you are wasting your time. This is not a one off problem, this is a personality type that will rely on you to fix them over and over. This personality is dangerous for you! A fixer must be able to fix or they will feel as if they have failed.
- SYMPATHIZER – Enabler. Rather than fixing their problem you simply listen to it and tell them how awful it is and how they must have been wronged somehow to feel so awful. Keep in mind, there will always be a problem and you have now become the whipping or whining post. They have no regard for your time, your feelings or your energy. They will share every problem they have and rely on you to validate their ill emotions. They have no intention of fixing the problem, they just want to talk about it to gain your sympathy. These people are selfish and dangerous to your emotional health.
- RUNNER – You run from these people as fast as you can. When you hear a problem, offer a solution, and they are not willing to act on your advice, you wonder why. When they bring the same problem again, you reiterate the solution and they still don’t hear you. This is when you know they don’t have any intention of fixing their problem. This is when you remove them from your daily life. This may be hard if they are a family member, coworker, close friend, neighbor, etc. Instead of allowing them to consume you with trying to fix them or sympathize with them, you simply recognize they have a deeper problem and give yourself permission to pull away to minimize the damage.
Which one are you?
If you’re a FiXER you have likely taken on a role that can be frustrating and damaging with this personality type. When they don’t listen to you it’s like beating your head against a brick wall. If you continue this pattern of being around these people you will continue to be frustrated and spend time on people and things that have no benefit to you and/or your life. It will take a toll on your health, your everyday life, your family, your work and many other things. Fixers cannot be surrounded by people who have no intention of changing without serious consequences to their own mental health. Sometimes we allow these people in our lives because it’s easier to hear someone else’s problems and try to solve them than it is to deal with our own problems.
If you’re a SYMPATHIZER then you are likely that for more than one person in your life and you are allowing many people to fill your time and mind with their own negative and ill emotions. You think by “being there for them”, you are somehow helping them. By validating their feelings and emotions you are a “real friend”. This is not the case. This will also take a toll on your mental health. You have now absorbed someone else’s problems on top of your own. Sometimes we do this because it’s easier to hear someone else’s pain than to deal with our own. Being a real friend is being honest with someone and if they’re a real friend they will be as concerned about your problems and emotions as they are their own. Ask yourself how much time and energy they spend on you. Most sympathizers do not complain, they just listen.
If you’re a RUNNER you don’t tolerate this behavior. You’ve probably dealt with this personality type in the past and see it coming a mile away. Rather than continue to beat your head against a brick wall, or allow someone to consume your time with problems they don’t intend to fix, you emotionally remove yourself. Every time they present one of those “problems”, you simply refer to the fact that they have control of their own thoughts, feelings, actions and life. You have now given yourself the freedom to choose who is in your life, your head, your world and you’ve become very protective of your space and time. You have stopped allowing unhealthy people to distract you from your goals, dreams, family and real friends who HAVE earned your time and energy and are willing to solve problems together to get real results.
If you have these negative people in your life, try the following every time they complain and see what happens. Tell them their thoughts control their feelings, ask how they can adjust their thoughts, putting it back on them to control their own feelings. Tell them their feelings control their actions. Once they change their thought of a problem they will feel and act differently. You’ve now made them responsible for their own actions and life. Tell them their actions control their life, ask them what action they will take to fix their problem. You have now given them the tools to control their whole life. If they refuse to change the way they think, feel or act, they will usually find someone else to complain to. If you continue to give them attention for negative behavior and situations, they will continue to have negative thoughts. If you ask them to solve their own problem and they don’t, you need to make a choice to protect your time, energy, and mental health because your thoughts control your feelings. When you allow someone to put negative thoughts in your head, you’ve now made the choice to give up control of your thoughts, feelings, actions and life. So…….. what are you thinking???
For a FREE consultation to find out if you are surrounding yourself with the right people to see your ultimate success contact Jennifer Philips at 520-668-1011 or Jen@GoodtoGLAM.com.